High Function: Life During The Fourth Reich

WASHINGTON – Well, all but one BANANA REPUBLICAN Senator (Lisa Murkowski of Alaska), including Susan Collins of Maine, along with one turncoat Democrat, Joe Manchin of West Virignia, voted for cloture today, and vowed to vote to confirm the drunken rapist, Brett CAVALIER, to the Supreme Court Of The United States tomorrow. This particular drunken rapist appeared before the Senate Judiciary Coimmittee last week on Thursday, September 27. During his appearance, he threw a temper tantrum and screamed about a conspiracy involving Democats, Clintons, George Soros, the Illuminati and maybe a couple space aliens who were all out to get him because he liked beer. The tone and tenor of his furious rant were only part of the story. The fact that he does not exhibit a judicial temperament is almost irrelevant in light of the fact that he vowed to seek vengeance against his “enemies” (approximately 55% of registered voters) from the bench. In a prepared speech, meaning the sentiment was not formulated in the heat of the moment, he stated explicitly that “What goes around comes around.” This disgusting organism will now serve on the Court for the rest of its life.

WASHINGTON – Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified here today before the Senate Judiciary Committee to the sexual assault she suffered at the hands of a black-out drunk Brett CAVALIER while at a party in Bethesda while they were both in High School. Afterwards, the spineless drunken angry nominee to the Supreme Court accused her of participation in a conspiracy to keep him off the bench. He stated that the fact that he perpetrated the assault while he was a high school student was somehow orchestrated by modern-day conspirators. This, along with other typical right-wing thinking simply violates the laws of causality. The Committee is complicit in this cover-up because they refused to order an investigation into the allegations. The nation is in peril, and the continued service of Donald T. RUMP as the unduly elected Resident of the United States has become an existential crisis.

WASHINGTON – Once again, a creepy message from The PUMPKIN BUMPKIN was emitted from hate-speech enablement platform, Twitter:

Two long running, Obama era, investigations of two very popular Republican Congressmen were brought to a well publicized charge, just ahead of the Mid-Terms, by the Jeff Sessions Justice Department. Two easy wins now in doubt because there is not enough time. Good job Jeff……

The OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) truly believes that the Justice Department should prosecute his political enemies, and ignore wrongdoing by his political allies. This is EXACTLY how they do it in the other BANANA REPUBLICS. And in this BANANA REPUBLIC, Congress has abrogated its responsibility to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” There is no innocent explanation for the BANANA REPUBLICANS’ complicity in this abuse of authority. The BANANA REPUBLICANS are so desperate to pursue their corporatist agenda that they have agreed to ignore “Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

WASHINGTON – Oops. A very bad day for The OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement). Cohen pleaded guilty to eight felonies he committed with TWITLER for the purpose of influencing the election. Manafort was found guilty of eight more felonies he committed on behalf of The PUMPKIN BUMPKIN. Congress still has no spine. The Impeachment process must begin TODAY.

WASHINGTON – Once again, the OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) has used his fat little fingers to rage-tweet from the White House toilet where he spends so much of his time. This time, the hate-speech took this form:

“..This is a terrible situation and Attorney General Jeff Sessions should stop this Rigged Witch Hunt right now, before it continues to stain our country any further. Bob Mueller is totally conflicted, and his 17 Angry Democrats that are doing his dirty work are a disgrace to USA!”

This is a direct order to obstruct justice. The so-called pr*sident should resign immediately. Congress is spineless; they should begin impeachment proceedings at once.

WASHINGTON – Taken aback by criticism from even some of the most rabid denialists after committing treason yesterday, the OBOE (ORANGE BAG OF EXCREMENT) tried to “clarify” his obsequious endorsement of his handler’s assertion yesterday in Helsinki. But, he was unable to read the hostage statement without adding some touches of Orange bullshit. He claimed he “misspoke” when he lied about Russian meddling in our election. Yet, he had to write in his own fat little hand “There was no colusion.” He says he is highly educated. Yet, he can not spell the crime in which he engaged. Further, it is only a matter of time before he goes back to crying “witch hunt.” Appeasement of PUTRID will be his legacy. We must hold out hope that Mueller is free to conclude his investigation, and that the House and Senate will turn blue and then we must demand that TWITLER be impeached.

HELSINKI – So, there it is. The OAF OF OFFICE and his handler. Donald T. RUMP just sold out this country to Valdimir PUTRID because he is being blackmailed. T. RUMP said that Russian meddling in U.S. elections is fine, as long as Mr. PUTRID lets him keep his stolen residency. Oh, and also Clinton’s emails something, something, blah, blah, blah. This is simply disgusting. THE ORANGE VOLCANO OF HATESPEECH is a cowardly traitor. All Banana Republicans are now complicit in treason. There is no innocent explanation.

WASHINGTON – The ORANGE BAG OF SHIT, attempting to rationalize the blood money he takes from the NRA, had to create a new lie to tell the roomful of Governors gathered at The White House today. In keeping with his delusional opinion of his abilities, the seventy-one year old baby stated that he would have confronted the big mean school shooter without even having a gun. He then said that from now on, whenever there is an active shooter anywhere in the country, all SWAT teams are instructed to notify the PUMPKIN BUMPKIN and wait for him to confront the shooter unarmed. Because he’s no coward, he’s a Sooper-Hero!

WASHINGTON – In defending a fellow wifebeater, the ABUSER-IN-CHIEF assured the public that Staff Secretary, Rob “PUNCHER” Porter could beat up any woman half his size. He lamented that even though he had made it clear that violence against women is just good policy, there were still some who felt that perhaps public officials should not give their wives black eyes.

WASHINGTON – Exactly one year into the most disastrous administration in history, the OAF OF OFFICE had to cancel his little $100,000-a-plate pity party in Florida because the government was shut down due to his ineptitude. The “bestest business man ever-est” could not negotiate his way out of a paper bag. And, since he has no values of his own, he had to submit to the will of his dwindling extremist “base” (a toxic mix of credulous, uneducated racists and cynical, manipulative billionaires – who have never met). Although there has not been a three-fifths majority of Senators of one party seated since 1911, somehow, all other Congresses have been able to get to sixty votes to pass a spending bill. But the lazy, seventy-one-year-old crybaby was not even able to get all of his own party’s Senators to vote for a bill. The breathtaking level of incompetence has brought us a broken government that is incapable of running this country. Although the fat little fingers keep twittering out how it is Hillary’s fault (or some other equally inane excuse), the fact remains that Banana Republicans control The White House, The Senate, and The House of Representatives. And, they could not organize a pissing match in a brewery. Their insistence on racism as a fundamental tenet of governance does not sit well with average Americans. Pitting DACA against CHIP was a cheap shot, and there is never going to be a wall. So, cry, little OAF, cry that the big bad Democrats ruined your party. This shutdown belongs to DONALD T. RUMP, and RUMP alone.