Right-Wingnut Roundup: Banana Republican Belief Summary

Running For President... It's All The Rage!

AMES, IA – Well, the Straw Poll here proves that Iowans strongly favor uninformed anger over any other quality in a Banana Republican candidate. Their choice of Michele BOTCHMANN indicates that once again, ignorance and anti-intellectualism will be their platform — it worked out so well last time, didn’t it?

Among her rivals, perennial plastic candidate, Mitt WRONGNEY, has asserted that “Corporations Are People.” Surprisingly, his track record as a corporate raider — engaging in leveraged buyouts leaving gutted corporations for dead — would imply that he has no regard for the welfare of these “people.” But perhaps that’s okay because he tends to flip-flop so often that, like a Rorschach inkblot test, Banana Republicans can read anything they want into this empty suit.

And, as of now, the emergence of yet another Texan cowboy Governor Rick PERIGEE marks the new low point. Yes, a person who says the actions of the Chairman of the Federal Reserve are “treacherous or treasonous” is the new spoiler. Unfortunately, he never acted on all of his big talk about secession so he is still eligible. So much for walkin’ the walk.

And, there we have it. No thinking needed. Just a couple bumper stickers full of falsehoods, shouted during debates often enough will propel the Banana Republicans back into power. Although it is not clear what American citizens have done to deserve this, reasoned arguments cannot overcome blind, credulous, simple-minded fury. At least, corporations and billionaires will not be required to pay any taxes. Hope you didn’t need any Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security! Here we go again…

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