Fire And Fury And Other Limp-Dicked Bullshit

I can’t get it up so I have to beat my flabby chest!

BEDMINSTER, NJ – The notoriously impotent ORANGE PUPPET did not play well on his hundredth golf outing here today. He sucks at golf just much as he sucks at being President and just as much as he sucks at Real Estate. In an attempt to save face, he decided to threaten Kim Jong Un – formerly the most demented and laughable leader of a nation – with “Fire and Fury” if blah, blah, blah, something about not doing something with a missile or a warhead. Although his rhetoric has become fairly alarming, his staff and underlings have begun admitting in public that they basically just ignore him. Shaking his tiny little fist may make for compelling footage on FAUX NEWS, but after his two hundred days of failure, he is now largely just a caricature of a leader. Gross, fat, simple, and filled with rage. How much longer before the Mueller probe reaches him? For safety’s sake, we had better start building a case against Pence.

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