Ted NOUCHEBAG Outs Himself

Yo ho ho!

Yo ho ho!

HAVANA – Although NOUCHEBAG promised us he would either be dead or in jail if President Barack Obama got re-elected, sadly he is neither. However, a very different Ted NOUCHEBAG set the record straight here today. On Twitter, he typed, “@WolfBlitzer is a journalist & Im a gay pirate from Cuba”. Well, the first part is true; there does not seem to be any evidence that Wolf Blitzer has any other occupation. And so, therefore, it is probably safe to assume the second part is also true. Overlooking his punctuation error, on its face the compound statement is a real step forward for this has-been. The fact that he has kept the secrets of his birthplace, his occupation and his sexual orientation hidden for so many years must have been the cause of all the intense anger that he has harbored for so many years. He has expressed extreme hatred for women, African-Americans, communists and gay people. It is that last one that is so telling. Until now, he has spent his entire life wallowing in self-hatred. We can only hope that now that his secret is out, he will be able to come to terms with his true self, and maybe, just maybe lighten up on the hate speech.

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