High Function: Functioning Highly

UNITED STATES – Remember, exactly four years ago today, there was not a single poll that suggested an OBOE (Orange Bag of Excrement) would become the OAF OF OFFICE. Remember also, this web site predicted its victory outright. Well, here we are. The ONLY way to prevent a repeat is to get off your ass and VOTE. Did you get that? Get off your ass and VOTE.

WASHINGTON – Clearly, the Quinoa-Anon/Angry-Little-Rifle-Boys/Deep-State/Hillary-Clinton’s-E-Mails FAKE NEWS announcement today is a hoax. For some reason, there is a rumor circulating that the OAF OF OFFICE and the TLOTUS (Third Lady of the US) have an imaginary disease commonly called KATRINA-VIRUS. Now, the way this phony germ spread to the OBOE (Orange Bag of Excrement) is purported to be via its usual practice of “Grabbing Senior Counselor HOPELESS Hicks by the Pussy” while she was also supposedly infected with this faux pathogen. This is obviously impossible because the condition which has killed over 200,000 Americans (It is what it is), actually went away like a miracle after only fifteen cases back in March.

How the TLOTUS contracted this is also a mystery. While busy waging her War-on-Christmas saying things like: “Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations?” And also not caring about innocent children of people seeking asylum here though paradoxically using her Christmas duty as a cover: “I say that I’m working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, ‘Oh, what about the children that they were separated?’ then I say, ‘Give me a fucking break.’” The mechanism by which indifference to humanitarian issues can become a vector for a pretend illness is not well understood.

There is a non-stop barrage of false developments – TEENY_WEENIE IMPOTUS has to go to Walter Reed, VP must be on standby, low grade fever, monoclonal antibodies… Don’t fall for it! This is just a hoax and a simple dose of hydroxychloroquine, a Clorox injection and a UV lamp up the ass are all that should be done! Science doesn’t know, and RAGE is the cure for everything!