High Function: Life During The Fourth Reich

WASHINGTON – The conventions are over, one centered on Hope, and one centered on Fear. The Democratic Convention presented a vision of America inclusive of all, where working-class and poor people’s needs and desires are acknowledged. The candidates for President and Vice President turned out to be real people with real views and – though this should go without saying – real feelings for other human beings. Even usually anti-Democratic news outlets were left admitting that Joe Biden is a genuinely decent individual. Every living Democratic President and Presidential Spouse appeared to weigh in on the matter. Both Carters, both Clintons and both Obamas endorsed Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

The BANANA REPUBLICAN ShitShow on the other hand, was exactly what everyone expected: a non-stop stream of lies, racial animus and fear-mongering. First, every single person who spoke was directly related to the IMPOTUS, or on its payroll. They did not find a single individual who did not owe his or her livelihood to the IMPOTUS who could think of anything positive to say about the IMPOTUS. Even the BANANA Republican who held the office before tRUMP (remember when PRESIDENT MORON was the worst we could do?) did not make an appearance to endorse The OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement). The whole four days painted a picture of a dystopian nation that would emerge if TWITLER were not reelected. Unfortunately, exaggerated though its portrayal of the country may have been, every single social ill that was emphasized at the ShitShow happened on the watch of the IMPOTUS. On the final night, the IMPOTUS appeared, lied, threw a temper tantrum, whined about being a victim, refused to take responsibility for anything and spent over an hour blathering incoherently about fictional accomplishments, imaginary threats and taking revenge on innocent people. You know basic American values.

So, the choice could not be more clear: Hope or Fear. And there’s the rub. Hatred is easy. Hatred begets fear. And The Fearful ALWAYS vote. Hope is hard, it requires thinking of somebody other than oneself. And sadly, Americans simply do not do that so we are facing four more years of this.

Get off your asses and vote.

ARLINGTON – Before the Council for National Policy, a secretive organization of wealthy right-wing donors, lobbyists, and political operatives, today, the IMPOTUS said, “Over the last week, the Democrats held the darkest and angriest and gloomiest convention in American history” and, “If our opponents prevail, no one will be safe in our country and no one will be spared. Including the people who helped fund. They think they’re gonna be best pals. They’re not gonna be best pals. They’ll be terminated just like many others. I’m the only thing standing between the American dream and total anarchy, madness and chaos. And that’s what it is.” And, Holy Shit, if you saw the Democratic Convention, you would agree! All of those people who said Biden is a nice guy, those anecdotes of kindness and concern just spoke to darkness, anger and gloom. While the IMPOTUS had a positively glowing week. The SENATE (that’s right, the rubber-stamp denialist chamber under the auspices of MOSCOW MITCH McCONMAN) issued the final version of its report on the Russian tampering with our electoral process. And that report states clearly and unequivocally that there WAS COLLUSION and that IMPOTUS knew about it. Further, like a star-struck teenager, the IMPOTUS actually sent love letters to Vladimir PUTRID stating, “I’m a big fan!”

The KATRINA-VIRUS has claimed over 170,000 lives in this country and all the IMPOTUS can say is, “It is what it is.” So, fuck you, dying Americans, it is what it fucking is!

And, as for the cognitive test, where the IMPOTUS claims it got extra points for saying, “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV,” it turns out the ONLY extra points that can be awarded are for having an education level below 12th grade. So, yeah, extra points. On a test to determine whether or not one has suffered a concussion, the IMPOTUS demonstrated that it did not even have a High School education. Well done, OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement)!

And coming up, the sweetness and light of a BANANA Republican convention. Remember, last time the theme was “American Carnage.” That won’t be dark, angry or gloomy.