High Function: Functioning Highly

WASHINGTON – It took Trump 601 days to hit 5,000 lies, but since then “the tsunami of untruths just keeps looming larger and larger,” The Washington Post reported. As a result, the president needed just 226 more days to top 10,000, doing so on April 26. That’s an average of nearly 23 false claims a day over the past seven months. Finally, this so-called administration does have one superlative: most dishonest.

WASHINGTON – Desperate to have the investigation of his criminal wrongdoing come to an end, a befuddled and clearly cognitively challenged OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) demanded that Congress look into the “ORANGES” of the Mueller investigation. That’s right, if he knew the ORANGES, he would be able to… something, something… (The level of incoherence makes it difficult to understand exactly how the ORANGES would help, but nonetheless, off we go, on a quest for ORANGES!).