« Archives in August, 2017

Lyin’ Cryin’ And Nazi Denyin’

Marbles? What marbles?

PHOENIX – Well, that ORANGE SHITBAG held a hate rally here today. Credulous dupes in attendance were exposed to a litany of inane assertions from its sewer pipe of a mouth. The mouth lied about the size of the huge crowd of counter protesters. The mouth wasted forty minutes crying about the big meanies in the news media. It was so boring, even the rednecks left early. The mouth lied about what the mouth itself said after his voters murdered Heather Heyer in Charlottesville. The mouth threatened to shut down the government in a temper tantrum if Congress doesn’t pay for his wall. That’s right, the wall he swore Mexico would fund. It was not clear that even his most dimwitted, most loyal followers were still falling for it. This ORANGE SHITBAG simply has no morals. This ORANGE PUPPET is suffering from dementia. And sadly, Congress and the Cabinet have no spines. So, he is not going anywhere. But, hey, atrial fibrillation, myocardial infarction, cerebral ischemia, and cerebral hemorrhage are still on the table. So, come on, Mother Nature, take your course!

So-Called President Now Has Blood On His Hands

I am a divider! Hatred is all I know!

BEDMINSTER, NJ – After a deadly race riot erupted in Charlottesville, VA, The ORANGE VOLCANO OF HATESPEECH tried to draw a false equivalence between White Supremacists and decent human beings. A Neo-Nazi group organized an ARMED MARCH in Emancipation Park to protest the removal of a statue of Robert E. Lee. As decent people came to demonstrate against the Fascists, they were met with violent physical assaults and had their lives threatened by Neo-Nazis waving guns in their faces. Then, one of the Nazis rammed his car into a group of innocent bystanders. The Nazi murdered one woman and gravely wounded several others. ORANGE TWITLER tried to blame the innocent bystanders by saying that all sides were equally at fault. He never once mentioned that it was his own people – those he calls his “base” – who were threatening counter-protesters with guns, yelling racial epithets and ultimately, murdering an innocent person. This is the one and only face of the Banana Republican party. There is absolutely no difference of opinion among any people who voted for this enormous BAG OF SHIT. The crocodile tears shed by a few self-appointed apologists after the fact as they tried to put conciliatory words in the So-Called President’s mouth were simply disgusting. He did not utter any conciliatory words. He did not identify White Racists by name. After spending several years screaming at the top of his lungs that President Barack Obama and Secretary Hillary Clinton were complicit in terrorism because they did not use the term “Radical Islamic Terrorism” quite enough for his taste, somehow when it was his own people – The Neo-Nazis – suddenly, he couldn’t call them by name. He has been fomenting racial hatred, endorsing division, and advocating violence since he announced his run for office. He spent eight years trying to de-legitimize the first African-American President by claiming that he was not born in The United States. He is a divider. He is a hater. He is morally bankrupt. He is an avid supporter of racial violence. He does not want unity. He does not believe in equality. And as of today, he has innocent blood on his hands. There is no way back.

Kissing PUTRID’S Ass, WTF?

If I say ANYTHING Mr. PUTRID doesn’t like, I’ll be in big, big trouble!

BEDMINSTER, NJ – Still on vacation at one of his sleazy fleabag flophouse resorts, The PUMPKIN BUMPKIN appeared before the press here today. Among the many, many stupid things he said, one stood out above all the rest. After his handler, PUTRID, ejected seven hundred fifty-five diplomats from Moscow, HE ACTUALLY THANKED HIS OVERLORD! That is right, PUTRID HUMILIATED TWITLER, and MANGO MUSSOLINI turned around and thanked him. He obviously colluded with Russia and PUTRID has the goods! There is absolutely no other possible explanation for selling out this nation so embarrassingly. He is a disgrace. He is a traitor. He is a coward. It is now only a matter of time. The FBI predawn raid on Manafort has apparently netted some very incriminating evidence regarding The ORANGE VOLCANO OF HATESPEECH and the Russians. As the investigation closes in on Manafort, he is going to turn state’s evidence. And then, the ORANGE SHITBAG is going down. That is, unless Congress provides notice to Pence that Donald T. RUMP is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office as outlined in the Twenty-Fifth Amendment. In which case, he will be gone even sooner! Let’s hope our long national nightmare is finally drawing to a close!

Fire And Fury And Other Limp-Dicked Bullshit

I can’t get it up so I have to beat my flabby chest!

BEDMINSTER, NJ – The notoriously impotent ORANGE PUPPET did not play well on his hundredth golf outing here today. He sucks at golf just much as he sucks at being President and just as much as he sucks at Real Estate. In an attempt to save face, he decided to threaten Kim Jong Un – formerly the most demented and laughable leader of a nation – with “Fire and Fury” if blah, blah, blah, something about not doing something with a missile or a warhead. Although his rhetoric has become fairly alarming, his staff and underlings have begun admitting in public that they basically just ignore him. Shaking his tiny little fist may make for compelling footage on FAUX NEWS, but after his two hundred days of failure, he is now largely just a caricature of a leader. Gross, fat, simple, and filled with rage. How much longer before the Mueller probe reaches him? For safety’s sake, we had better start building a case against Pence.