High Function: Functioning Highly

The Banana Republicans lost on election day, 2012.  They lost big.  Now the question naturally being asked by conservatives is “why?”

After the initial shock, the denial, the ridiculous claims of massive voter fraud, the GOP is now searching everywhere for an answer.  They want to blame voter turnout; they want to blame their candidate for not being conservative enough; they want to blame the imagined demons of socialism, “white guilt,” and the entitlement society.  They claim that President Obama is still riding a wave of anti-Bush sentiment.  The words on every conservative pundit’s lips are “they just want free stuff.”

We at High Function are having quite a fun time with this.  It’s really quite hilarious watching the actually-entitled (the majority of white males) bitch and whine about the era of their status as overlords coming to a close.  We watch while they snarl, with gritted teeth, that they must now embrace the “Illegals.”  They have to treat women as if they were equals.  They have to jump down from the socially conservative parade of God-fearing nutjobs.  The trouble is, for them, it’s tantamount to giving up completely on their ideals.  Let’s hope it’s too little, too late.

The Republican party has been, for many years, the party of the rich.  They can fool the electorate into buying into their horrible economic ideas by driving wedges.  Wedges about gays, wedges about women, wedges about “job-stealing” Latinos.  Only now do they wake up to the reality that those groups they spent so much time hating are now collectively in the majority.  If you believed in math or science, you might have seen this coming.

Since you have missed the mark on why you lost, take heed, Banana Republicans, let me clue you in: It wasn’t voter turnout, WRONGNEY’s moderate stance or President Obama’s status as a cool guy that will give you free stuff.  For as long as you can remember, white males have been in charge, siphoning wealth and power at the expense of everyone else not in your exclusive group.  Now, the total number of people you have been disenfranchising is greater than the number of you and the people you can convince of your bullshit.

Critical mass has been reached.  Good riddance.