« Archives in January, 2009

Go Stimulate Yourself

This stimulus is giving me a Bo(eh)ner

This stimulus is giving me a Bo(eh)ner

WASHINGTON – Here is how to be willfully obtuse and in denial about reality at the same time:  First, if you have a bill to stimulate the economy, with no extra riders, or “pork barrel” spending, it’s bad.  Then, if you add a bunch of extra money for special interests, it becomes good, especially if it’s endorsed by the worst president in history. Then, you deny reality about The New Deal, and how it was the most evil, and not to mention communist, package of legislation ever created.  After that, you must claim that the new stimulus package is also evil (but we all know that if it had enough pork, the Banana Republicans would love it).

Now, read carefully.  The reason that the new bill is flawed is not because they’re afraid it won’t work.  They’re afraid it will.  If it does work, and the economy can be turned around, how many GOP seats will be lost in the mid-term?  One can only imagine.  No wonder the Grand Oil Party hopes Obama fails.

That’s why Limbaugh and his many trained parrots keep telling us to spout the (current) party mantra: “The New Deal Only Made Things Worse.”

And don’t you forget it.

Here are some of the objections to the new stimulus package:

  1. $6 Billion for Colleges/Universities
    Why the hell do we need colleges anyway?
  2. $50 Million for the National Endowment for the Arts
    Fuck the arts!  And forget that constitutional mandate to promote them!
  3. $44 Million to repair the Dept. of Agriculture building
    Construction won’t give anybody any jobs, don’t be silly.
  4. $200 Million for repairs to the National Mall
    No jobs to be found here
  5. $600 Million for new cars for the federal government
    Buying cars (which somebody actually has to make and sell) = bad
    Forking over tax payer cash straight to auto industry CEO’s pockets = good

“One Way Out”: Total FAKE

Total Fakery!

Total Fakery! This is not ice water

TVLAND – Sorry, Boys and Girls… There is no way… Anyone who is anyone (consult the lineup at your local surf break) knows the pathology of hypothermia. First, extreme gasping and shivering. Next, deterioration of fine motor skills, and TURNING BLUE. Then, disorientation and delusion. And finally, death by drowning. This guy never even shivered! He most assuredly wasn’t blue! This guy WAS NOT COLD. Whatever the goal of this new program on Discovery Channel is, it isn’t science.




From The Worst To The Best

President Barack Obama

President Barack Obama

WASHINGTON – As President Barack Obama takes the oath of office with the highest approval rating of any President Elect in history, he is, of course, replacing the President with the lowest approval rating in history: Former President MORON! It has turned out to be a small, intimate affair with a mere two million people on hand here to watch the transition. Former President MORON has left the country in quite a state of disarray, but Mr. Obama is just the person to put things right. Barack, Michelle, Malia and Sasha; welcome home!