« Archives in October, 2008

Lethal Complacency

Wishing won't make it so. Get out and Vote!

WASHINGTON – The national media coverage has become almost surreal. Even the more conservative outlets are calling it a done deal. It is not a done deal. Just think about Charlie Brown and Lucy van Pelt. They can still yank that football away. Don’t let them. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND VOTE!

Even Stevens

It's a series of tubes!!!

It's a series of tubes!!

WARSHINGTON – The other ancient lying, money grubbing Banana Republican fraudster has finally gotten much less than he deserves. Ted “Series of Tubes” Stevens, U.S. senator of Alaska, was convicted of seven counts of fraud. Wow, seven fraud convictions, or, as Palin calls it, “change.”

Very Very Old, Very Very Angry

Ignore reality!  Just be afraid, be very afraid!

Ignore reality! Just be afraid, be very afraid!

ALBUQUERQUE – With just ten days to go, in a virtually empty fairground, an apparently confused and clearly disoriented YAWN MCLAME made an appearance here today. While Barack Obama has been fighting his way through crowds of up to a hundred thousand supporters, MCLAME can not even fill the seats in the front row. Those that did attend were treated to some exquisite ranting about an imaginary plumber. They also heard the sad story about large corporations that are hurting and must be given even more TaxCutsForTheRich. He made sure to let the very few people here know that giving tax cuts to the middle class would be socialism (yes, he is literally still fighting commies in Viet Nam).

But, all in all, as usual, he did not have a single positive notion to convey. He endeavored mightily to convince people that fear is the American way. However, for once, even the few Americans here were not buying it. Yes, he may be very very old, and yes he may be very very angry, but sadly, his message is also just so very very tired.

B Is For Bluffing

Why yes, my parents are brother and sister, thank you for asking.

Why yes, my parents are brother and sister, thank you for asking.

PITTSBURGH – When he’s not palling around with terrorists, it seems Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is out encouraging his followers — especially the darkies — to do what they do best, assault white women.

Just kidding. Looks like this crazy “B”, also known as Ashley Todd, made up a phony story about an Obama supporter who attacked her and etched a letter “B” in her face.  The imaginary assailant apparently did not like seeing a YAWN MCLAME sticker on her car. The phony attacker, who was of course black (you can’t be a good Banana Republican without hating some group of people) seemingly didn’t learn the letters properly in his run down urban kindergarten class. It does seem fishy that the letter was obviously done in front of a mirror. This smacks of hillbilly retardation. Does the YAWN MCLAME camp have some sort of retarded version of TURD BLOSSOM working for it? Who else would, or could, come up with such a stupid scheme. Especially when the hick reverses her story after filing a false police report.

Yes On K

Yes On K

Yes On K

SAN FRANCISCO – Vote Yes on Measure K.

The Banana Republican Platform

NEW YORK – Thus speaketh YAWN MCLAME: “My friends, I can’t talk about the economy, or I’ll lose. My friends, I can’t be seen around President MORON, my friends, or I’ll lose. My friends, I’m not black. My friends, I’ll give more TaxCutsForTheRich. My friends, 100 more years of war. My friends, I have a complete contempt for intellectuals, science and its methods, and thinking in general. My friends, global warming is a myth, as is evolution, the ‘gay gene’, endangered species, and an Earth that’s more than 6000 years old.

“Can’t you see, my friends, that corporations and the wealthy need those tax cuts. Can’t you tell that Reaganomics is working out well for the poor and middle class, my friends? No? Well, then terrorists will get you, my friends. I am not Muslim. I’m not black…please, my friends, don’t elect ‘that one’!”

I guess the last eight years of freedom stripping, constitution shredding, greed loving, war mongering, lying, and treasonous Banana Republican rule is finally beginning to sink in to the collective mind of the American people. According to the latest electoral map by the New York Times, long time red states are now turning to Obama. Even West Virginia, a state the Fuckabee won in the primary, is only “leaning” for McCain now. I guess lying smearing, and preaching to the hatred of the common people will only get you so far. It’s hard to preach change when the populus knows that you would be the third term of the man whose ratings are the lowest ever.

A Bus to Nowhere

If you don't have something nice to say, just keep repeating it over and over and over again

If you don't have anything nice to say, just keep repeating it over and over and over again

SARASOTA – As hope fades, YAWN MCLAME is taking a senior bus tour across the Sunshine Sate. He is doing anything he can think of to trash Barack Obama. Not only is Obama a black man and a terrorist and a Muslim and a socialist and an Arab and a tax raiser; now, he is also somehow, more closely tied to President MORON than MCLAME — with a 90% Pro-MORONARCHY voting record — himself.

MCLAME, who just picked up the Al Qaeda endorsement today (well done, Senator!), has completely lost his grasp on reality. He refers to attendees at his rallies as his fellow prisoners. He keeps speaking to some imaginary plumber as though he were standing next to him. He has so little control over his audiences that they are permitted to shout out “terrorsit,” and “off with his head” with impunity. He allows Caribou Barbie to refer to certain states as Anti-American. And, sadly, on top of all this, there is not one word of substance, not one single idea as to how he would lead the country in these tumultuous times. Nothing. Just the empty rhetoric of an empty suit.

So we are left with a very odd combination of smear and fear delivered by someone who isn’t all here.

With Friends Like These…

With this much Anthrax, I can endorse anyone I want

WASHINGTON – Well, COLON Powell has finally made up his mind. He is backing Barack Obama for President. This is unfortunate for Senator Obama. Reflecting on his command performance at the UN where he swore up down and sideways that there were Weapons of Mass Deception in Iraq, we can only hope his endorsement of Obama doesn’t turn out to be another little vial of fiction.

Is Our Children Learning?

Homer now pronounces you husband and husband

I now pronounce you husband and husband

SACRAMENTO – What is this world coming to?

Now that we have legal same sex marriage here in California, there is a proposition that would attempt to stop the practice. The pro 8 campaign has a television ad that claims something so bad, we must vote for it. What is it? We would have to teach our children the truth.

Calm down. Take a breather. I know you are astounded and outraged at the prospect. Imagine if we had to teach our kids that a girl can marry a girl, just because it’s true. Where does it end? Next do we tell them that the tooth fairy doesn’t actually exist. No. It’s imperative that we keep teaching our kids that if a group of people is different, the majority is justified in denying them rights.