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IMPOTUS: “I DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL”

Somebody Else!

WASHINGTON – As his lies crash in around him and he is forced to declare a State of Emergency over the clearly politicized hoax of a pathogen, The OAF OF OFFICE again showed us what true leadership looks like. When asked about his complete failure to deal with KATRINA-VIRUS, he said, “I don’t take responsibility at all.” Just compare it to notable quotations from real presidents: “I cannot tell a lie,” “Four Score and Seven Years Ago… Government of the People, by the People, for the People, Shall Not Perish from the Earth,” “The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself,” “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask What You Can Do For Your Country!” So, remember in November: “I don’t take responsibility at all.”

KATRINA-VIRUS

Katrina-Virus

Katrina-Virus

WASHINGTON – You’re doin’ a heck-of-a-job, Orangie! The one bright spot is that this could be The IMPOTUS’ Hurricane Katrina. Well, he might also contract it. How would he explain contracting hoax?

IMPOTUS

'Da Best Words!

‘Da Best Words!

WASHINGTON – COVFEFE
NAMBIA
ANOLYMOUS
HAMBERDER
CARONAVIRUS
SMOCKING GUN
PRINCE OF WHALES
GLOBAL WARNING
TEXT MASSAGES
PRESIDENT OF VIRGIN ISLANDS
PRESIDENT OF PUERTO RICO
MELANIE
IT WILL HEEL
LASTING PEACH
UNPRESIDENTED
TAPP
Is that Tim Apple on the phone?
What are the ORANGES of this story!

Adios, MotherHUCKER!

I’m not gonna lie, oh, wait…

WASHINGTON – After ninety-four days collecting a paycheck for doing nothing, non-functional PUMPKIN BUMPKIN mouthpiece, Sarah HUCKLEBERRY Sanders, called it quits here today. Apparently, the relentless lying, rationalizing, misdirecting and hate spewing finally wore her down. There was no indication that her abhorrent behavior weighed on her conscience, it was just a lack of stamina. The rats are leaving the sinking ship.

COVER-UP DEMENTIA

So what if I foam at the mouth?

WASHINGTON – The mental state of the OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) is visibly deteriorating. As he proclaims his innocence (hah!) and swears up, down and sideways that the Mueller Report exonerates him, he is also trying to claim the report is protected by executive privilege. That makes perfect sense. It proves he didn’t do it, but he doesn’t want anybody to see it. This is NOT the deranged behavior of an insane person, this is rational (just ignore that foam spewing from his mouth, that’s how pr*sidents behave!).

Commander In CHEAT

Don’t act so surprised

WASHINGTON – According to the New York Times, during the period between 1985 and 1994 while the OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) was pretending to be a successful business person, he falsely told the IRS that he actually LOST One Billion, Two Hundred Million Dollars ($1,200,000,000). Actually, he fabricated paper losses to cheat the Federal Government out of the taxes on whatever income he really did produce. The only other possibility is that the pr*sident sucks at business and has only ever lived off his father’s money. Naturally, TWITLER has denied everything. But this time, there is a very easy way for him to prove he is an honest, tax-paying citizen: he can release his tax returns. Of course, he will not. He is a tax cheat and if his tax returns become public, his lack of integrity will become irrefutable.

TEN THOUSAND LIES

I once told a whopper thiiiiis big!

WASHINGTON – It took Trump 601 days to hit 5,000 lies, but since then “the tsunami of untruths just keeps looming larger and larger,” The Washington Post reported. As a result, the president needed just 226 more days to top 10,000, doing so on April 26. That’s an average of nearly 23 false claims a day over the past seven months. Finally, this so-called administration does have one superlative: most dishonest.

ORANGES

ORANGES!

WASHINGTON – Desperate to have the investigation of his criminal wrongdoing come to an end, a befuddled and clearly cognitively challenged OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) demanded that Congress look into the “ORANGES” of the Mueller investigation. That’s right, if he knew the ORANGES, he would be able to… something, something… (The level of incoherence makes it difficult to understand exactly how the ORANGES would help, but nonetheless, off we go, on a quest for ORANGES!).

It’s Mueller Time

Mueller Time! Woo!

WASHINGTON – Though there is apparently “No Collusion” as the OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) has told us numerous times, Robert Mueller has delivered his report to the Attorney General here today. Grab a beer because it is most certainly Mueller Time!

What Goes Around Comes Around

I’ll show you judicial temperament!

WASHINGTON – Well, all but one BANANA REPUBLICAN Senator (Lisa Murkowski of Alaska), including Susan Collins of Maine, along with one turncoat Democrat, Joe Manchin of West Virignia, voted for cloture today, and vowed to vote to confirm the drunken rapist, Brett CAVALIER, to the Supreme Court Of The United States tomorrow. This particular drunken rapist appeared before the Senate Judiciary Coimmittee last week on Thursday, September 27. During his appearance, he threw a temper tantrum and screamed about a conspiracy involving Democats, Clintons, George Soros, the Illuminati and maybe a couple space aliens who were all out to get him because he liked beer. The tone and tenor of his furious rant were only part of the story. The fact that he does not exhibit a judicial temperament is almost irrelevant in light of the fact that he vowed to seek vengeance against his “enemies” (approximately 55% of registered voters) from the bench. In a prepared speech, meaning the sentiment was not formulated in the heat of the moment, he stated explicitly that “What goes around comes around.” This disgusting organism will now serve on the Court for the rest of its life.