High Function: Life During The Fourth Reich

WASHINGTON – Although the Enormous Orange Bag of Excrement (OBOE) continues to stamp its little feet and shake its laughably diminutive fists, the Administrator of the General Services Administration, Emily Murphy, has finally acknowledged reality, ascertained that Biden has won, and released the funds necessary to facilitate the transition from the unlawful regime of the TEENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS to President Elect, Joe Biden. Now that the vote in Michigan has been certified by the State Board of Canvassers, regardless of what happens in any remaining pathetic, idiotic lawsuits, the outcome is certain: The OAF OF OFFICE LOST THE ELECTION. To reiterate: The OAF OF OFFICE LOST THE ELECTION. Tough shit. The long national nightmare is almost over – it will continue until noon EST on January 20, 2021.

Again, it is with great enthusiasm that we say, ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER!

WASHINGTON – Finally! Due to the insane machinations of TWWENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS’ deranged attorney, Rudolph GHOULIANI, any candidate is free to disregard ALL votes cast for the candidate’s opponent. Since that is now the case, NONE of TWITLER’s votes count!

Biden now wins: 79,000,000 to 0!

Democracy is awesome!

WASHINGTON – Ten Weeks from today (that’s seventy days), the TEENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS will no longer be occupying the White House. We can only hope that it is also summarily arrested for crimes committed and marched off to prison. This has been a difficult four years. And, regardless of how much turmoil, confusion, deception and falsehood, it attempts to sow, it will be leaving. It can refuse to concede. It can hide in its bunker. It can hold super-spreader rallies all over the nation. It can sue all the imaginary foes it wishes. But, it CANNOT and SHALL NOT ignore the will of the people!

Again, ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER!

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Finally! We have Number Forty-Six! This is the end of an era, and the beginning of a New Age!

Just to prove the point, here is what THE WINNER said: “America, I’m honored that you have chosen me to lead our great country. The work ahead of us will be hard, but I promise you this: I will be a President for all Americans — whether you voted for me or not. I will keep the faith that you have placed in me.”

And here is what IMPOTUS, The OAF OF OFFICE, THE LOSER said: “Beginning Monday, our campaign will start prosecuting our case in court to ensure election laws are fully upheld and the rightful winner is seated.”

So, The OBOE (Orange Bag of Excrement), it is all over but the suing. Well, Adios, Motherfucker!

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Count. Every. Vote.

UNITES STATES OF AMERICA –
Shit, god damn, get off your ass and jam!
Shit, god damn, get off your ass and jam!
Shit, god damn, get off your ass and jam!

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Beware! Individuals displaying this flag, are going to be standing outside your polling place. They do not have any authority to harass you, question you, physically challenge you or do anything to suppress your right to vote, and they categorically MAY NOT cause you any physical harm. If you are registered to vote, you MUST vote. Please be advised, they are scared little boys with serious psychological and emotional issues. They are invariably INCELS. They harbor a great deal of rage. They wave guns around to compensate for the humiliating dysfunction and diminutive size of their genitalia. They used to hide their racial hatred and bigotry; but ever since the TEENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS stole the last election, they have declared their animosity loudly and proudly. They represent the worst of this nation. However, this is their last gasp. After tomorrow, they will have to slink back to the shadows and console one another with imaginings of what could have been. The ONLY way they win is if you allow them to intimidate you. Don’t. Instead, exercise your franchise! VOTE!

UNITED STATES – Remember, exactly four years ago today, there was not a single poll that suggested an OBOE (Orange Bag of Excrement) would become the OAF OF OFFICE. Remember also, this web site predicted its victory outright. Well, here we are. The ONLY way to prevent a repeat is to get off your ass and VOTE. Did you get that? Get off your ass and VOTE.

WASHINGTON – Clearly, the Quinoa-Anon/Angry-Little-Rifle-Boys/Deep-State/Hillary-Clinton’s-E-Mails FAKE NEWS announcement today is a hoax. For some reason, there is a rumor circulating that the OAF OF OFFICE and the TLOTUS (Third Lady of the US) have an imaginary disease commonly called KATRINA-VIRUS. Now, the way this phony germ spread to the OBOE (Orange Bag of Excrement) is purported to be via its usual practice of “Grabbing Senior Counselor HOPELESS Hicks by the Pussy” while she was also supposedly infected with this faux pathogen. This is obviously impossible because the condition which has killed over 200,000 Americans (It is what it is), actually went away like a miracle after only fifteen cases back in March.

How the TLOTUS contracted this is also a mystery. While busy waging her War-on-Christmas saying things like: “Who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations?” And also not caring about innocent children of people seeking asylum here though paradoxically using her Christmas duty as a cover: “I say that I’m working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, ‘Oh, what about the children that they were separated?’ then I say, ‘Give me a fucking break.’” The mechanism by which indifference to humanitarian issues can become a vector for a pretend illness is not well understood.

There is a non-stop barrage of false developments – TEENY_WEENIE IMPOTUS has to go to Walter Reed, VP must be on standby, low grade fever, monoclonal antibodies… Don’t fall for it! This is just a hoax and a simple dose of hydroxychloroquine, a Clorox injection and a UV lamp up the ass are all that should be done! Science doesn’t know, and RAGE is the cure for everything!

CLEVELAND – At something billed as a “Presidential Debate” here tonight, an OBOE (Orange Bag Of Excrement) lied, threw temper tantrums, interrupted and rambled incoherently as one portion of the evening’s proceedings. Opposing the OAF OF OFFICE was the Democratic Presidential Nominee, Joe Biden. Moderator Chris Wallace, spent most of the evening aiding and abetting that enormous orange pustule, until the last few minutes of the debate, where even he had finally had enough. Thrown the easiest softball of a question, “Do you condemn white supremacy?” TEENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS actually instructed the ultra-right-wing hate group – whose name will not appear here (suffice it to say, just like TEENIE-WEENIE IMPOTUS, the group is composed of phallically-challenged, uneducated, angry white males who collect firearms to compensate for their humiliating genitalia) – to “Stand Back and Stand by.” Thereby instructing violent extremists to attack voters who dare to cross the TEENY-WEENIE IMPOTUS. America now has a clear choice.

If you do not get of your lazy ass and vote, this is on you.